SUMMER MOVIE REVIEWS 2009

If you have yet to see Wolverine or Star Trek at the theater this summer you might want to skip this post. There are spoilers- heck, there might be spoilers even if you've seen the films and haven't thought about them much- you've been warned:

WOLVERINE: A prime example of modern comics writing. Pointless action, little if any set up, romance for no real reason, she's in love, she's faking it...no, wait in love, no seriously she was faking it (but actually in love) THEN SHE DIES AND THE HERO GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD TWICE AND TOTALLY FORGETS ABOUT HER. Three quarters of this film was totally pointless, and the guy (kid really) who played Gambit has a really REALLY good agent or negatives of the director with a goat because he sure didn't land that part with his acting ability.

In the end, hero walks off with badly acted buddy to who knows where, just not around the dead chick, the leaking radiation, his brother, or the monster that was sure to reconstitute itself if only he had taken the head with him.

Frankly, I'd bow my head if I was in this movie too.

Plus the villain KNEW that the best he could do was shoot Wolvey in the head with adamantium bullets and make him loose his memory- wait- WHAT??? He would have been better to sneak up behind him and jab a shard of glass into the base of his skull (No, wait, that's the way to immobilize someone with wolvie's powers on Heroes...). Still not sure where the bullets ended up, or exactly how accurate the bad guy's aim had to be to fuck his memories, but hey, that's modern funny books for ya!

Absurd, Pointless, Tasteless, Brainfart. Like I said "Classic Modern Comic Book Writing" These writers will be working for Marvel before you know it.

STAR TREK: I was worried going in, but coming out I was thinking that perhaps I shouldn't dismiss J.J. Abrams as a bad writer after all. Seriously, what else were you going to do with an outdated, bloated over PC'd franchise like this- especially considering how badly off the mark the last two series and four movies were. Hurray for what they did! Nice braincheck movie. DON'T try to over think the plot and be ready to dismiss WAY too many coincidences (Spock's being stranded, Scotty's appearance, a maniacal villain who doesn't need to see the loss on his adversaries face as he blows up his enemy's home planet... you know, logical thinking stuff). Just go and enjoy.




Oh and the worst, most distracting element for me in the entire movie was the Cloverfield monster suddenly chasing Kirk. Talk about an impractical alien life form to fit its' environment- C'MON!!!

So far:

Wolverine: 2 and a half

Trek: 3

Next to see: Terminator and Transformers.

Last two days I have seen two movies from last year, Hancock and Next, and despite the obvious flaws in those films I kind of enjoyed both of them a little more than Wolvie and Trek- but that could just be me...

WAKE UP!